Kevin Foster
Everyone's got a century, kid. Yeah, you're an eighties child, whatever the hell that means, but when you get to be my age, you lay claim to a century. One hundred years. You will not live to see one hundred years unless you're lucky and by lucky I mean unlucky 'cause if you live a hundred long ones, you get the uniquely post-modern experience of watching nearly every person you've ever known die, and let me tell you after 93 years of watching mostly death I wish I woulda kicked the damn bucket about twenty years ago. While we're on the topic, if that goddamned doctor laughs and pats me on the back one more time because I'm a widower and that's ironic, I'm going to knock his ass down on the floor. No I'm not, but I will find a new goddamn doctor. No I won't, what the hell is the point, for the last ten years every time your mother's made me go in for a physical I'm told about a new organ about to fail on me, different than the last time, and yet here I am plodding along with the rest of you sorry sacks but I digress. First off, I don't give two shits how ironic it is that my wife of damn near fifty years died before me, I don't wanna laugh about it you ignorant bastard. The best part is that it isn't even ironic. Don't they teach you damn kids anything in school anymore? They don't? I pay enough goddamn taxes that they oughta do something other than field a sissy-ass football team that couldn't buy a win if a win was a hooker and they were the King of England in a damn brothel. What was I saying? Oh yeah, everyone has a century. You may have been born in 1988, but you're a 21st century kid and I feel sorry as hell for ya. I seen all kinds of shit a person ain't supposed to see and your parents had a television in the nursery. All this shit is ours whether we like it or not, but I sure as hell don't envy you, kid.
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